by | Sep 24, 2018
I have always been a pretty calm person. Well, at least on the surface. Much like ducks who appear to be gracefully gliding across the water while their feet paddle furiously under the surface, I have moved through most of my life full of self-doubt. As well as suffering from ‘Imposter Syndrome’, meaning I felt like I was play-acting most of my life. And a good dose of body/weight shame thrown in for good measure.
I was introduced to yoga nidra several years ago and immediately fell in love with the restorative and rejuvenating nature of the practice. The practice allowed me to turn inward. I loved that it guided me to set positive intentions. Additionally, while self-described as a relatively calm person, I never realized how much my mind didn’t turn off! And also challenging I found pure stillness. I attended classes pretty regularly and I found yoga nidra changed me!
After encouragement from my wife and son, I signed up for a 200-hour yoga teacher training. My intent going into the training program was solely to deepen my own yoga practice for me. I really hadn’t given much thought to teaching.
During the training I had to give a presentation and my chosen topic was yoga nidra since it was somewhat familiar to me. Luckily, yoga nidra class takes place the first Friday of every month, so I attended – hoping it would be a nice tune-up for my presentation the following day. As my wife often says, “there are no mistakes in the Universe”. The class turned out to be quite impactful on my life.
Nearly everyone in the yoga nidra class spoke about being incredibly stressed out and full of angst when asked to introduce themselves and why they were there. When it was my turn, I shared that I was relaxed and that I was doing a presentation on yoga nidra the next day as part of my teacher training.
The class was fantastic! While I usually am in a bit of a haze after yoga nidra, what struck me was how peaceful and calm everyone was at the end of class. Every person who mentioned being stressed out now looked peaceful and rested. I left that evening inspired and feeling incredibly grateful! And after experiencing the transformational shift of both energy and emotion in myself and others I realized what a gift yoga nidra truly is.
Initially, I had signed up for yoga teacher training to deepen my own yoga practice, and was not so interested in teaching. But now, on my drive home from this yoga nidra class, I realized, ‘I wanted to teach!’ I too wanted to offer the gift of rest, stillness, and positive intention-setting to others.
I completed my yoga teacher training, along with an additional 100-hour Yin Yoga training and began to teach! For a while I led yoga nidra from a book written by Swami Satyananda Saraswati. Though I was able to lead classes confidently, I wanted to dig deeper for myself and my students.
Looking around, locally and online, it didn’t take long for me to find Jennifer’s Divine Sleep Yoga Nidra Teacher Training. Jennifer’s style appealed to me because of the inclusion of the five kosha levels of being. Added to that, it was not difficult to feel Jennifer’s energy and light shine right through her website! There was a training session available in the Washington, DC area, but I opted to travel to Kripalu to be in a more residential-retreat setting away from home so I could really focus and go deep.
Divine Sleep Yoga Nidra Teacher Training was indeed the gift I was searching for! From the very first meeting until the closing ceremony, Jennifer shared her wealth of knowledge, empowering us with the tools we needed to successfully lead classes and workshops. Jennifer’s sincerity, and her amazing assistants, along with the community of students in the training, lifted me in ways I didn’t expect. Each training session; each conversation; and every interaction fueled my desire to bring even more authenticity and commitment to my teaching and what I offer to the world.
Now I lead a monthly Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra class and plan to hold longer workshops in the future. I continue to grow and learn and really feel that the deep experiences I have learning translate onto the mat when I practice yoga and yoga nidra for myself. It is through this continued work inward that I am learning to bring authentic, lasting peace and calm under my own surface. I am confident my equilibrium will translate into an even greater gifts I can provide to the world.
Yoga helped me to go inward and to grow, change, and to live more authentically. It helped me realize that I no longer wanted to work as a government affairs attorney. After 26 years in this field, I could no longer continue toiling away at something I didn’t love. With long, supportive talks with my wife, I decided to leave my job last spring! I have no regrets and I’m feeling very free.
My son is 23 years old and I am so proud that he is just starting out on his professional life. One thing I hope he gains from my life choices – deciding in my fifties to follow my heart – is that he too will have the confidence to follow his heart. And to know that I will always support him following his passions and dreams.
I have consciously decided to keep my teaching schedule light for now as I continue to evolve into what’s next. I lead Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra once a month, as well as two weekly Yin Yoga classes at Yoga Heights in Washington, D.C. Come join me! www.matthewdlyons.com
by | Aug 22, 2018
On paper, it seemed like I had enough support to help me process losing our family home due to financial trials, marital challenges, moving three times uprooting our four school aged children, plus two job changes each for both me and my husband!
Although I wasn’t diagnosed with anxiety and depression, I fluctuated between the two in varying degrees depending on the day. I felt inadequate to provide a stable home for my family in the midst of the stressors. I felt very fragmented, insecure, alone and afraid. This is who I was when I began my Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra Teacher Training with Jennifer.
It’s February 2018, and the teacher training for Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra finally arrived! My five years prior to this day were filled with four of the top 10 life-stressors. I was hoping that starting my year with Divine Sleep® training was the sign of better things to come.
My family is part of a strong church community and we are surrounded by close friends and family. I am a yoga teacher and I have a strong personal yoga practice and also a beautiful network of like-minded yoga teacher friends. Even with all of this support, I was suffering.
Amazingly, by the last day of Divine Sleep® training, I felt I had the inner resources I needed to cope with not only the present challenges, but also to work through a lifetime of old experiences too.
My time with Jennifer was a transformational journey. During the training, I first knew something new was shifting in me during the teaching of the ‘five levels of being’ from yoga philosophy, and what Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra is based on. Learning about the wisdom level of being called ‘Witness-Awareness’ helped me to be able to find a new perspective.
I pulled back, like the eagle with eagle eyes, to ‘observe’ the stressors in my life, without going into the place of fear or anxiety. I became the calm ‘witness’ of all that was going on. That included being able to witness and ‘be with’ all the roller-coaster ride of sensations and emotions I often felt, without feeling threatened by them.
This new place of stability gave me the bandwidth to be able to find and create a ‘safe space’ within me, called the ‘Inner Sanctuary’ in the practice of Divine Sleep. Resting within my Inner Sanctuary helped me get to the next step which was to genuinely feel and hear my ‘Heart’s Longing’ which I greatly needed to get in touch with, and state that it was already the truth.
Having my safe space within me gave me a place to go to, not only during yoga nidra practice, but in my life off the mat, when I was feeling things that had overwhelmed me in the past! Now I could return to inner calm. With these tools, my new superpowers!, I feel grounded and secure in a way that my regular yoga practice had not offered me.
I was surprised how moving through both the body scan and journey visualization stages, allowed me to go back to and revisit powerful and pivotal life experiences (not always the good ones!) in a way that healed me. The freedom I felt while being guided through Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra liberated me! Now I feel my depleted spirit has been strengthened.
This summer was our third move (the renter’s life), our kids changed schools, my husband started a new job, and we graduated our second child, and sent her off to college. It was crucial during this stressful time for me to create space in my schedule for me: my yoga practice, but often, Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra took priority!
If I woke up in the morning (most often with short, shallow breaths, and at times the desire to roll over and delay the day and it’s long list of to-do’s), I guided myself through the first few stages of Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra.
Then, after the long days of packing and unpacking the house, then packing up my daughter’s things for college, I would lay in my bed before sleeping and let Jennifer’s Deep Relaxation Divine Sleep® CD guide me through all the stages (my favorite is the Eagle Journey: Seven Directions to the Source). I found am and pm Divine Sleep® kept my body, mind and spirit stable during a time of incredible change and upheaval.
I can’t share my story without including Jennifer Reis and her impact on me as a yoga teacher and human being. I was given the opportunity to assist two of Jennifer’s Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra teacher trainings!
This experience has given me confidence as both a teacher of yoga and yoga nidra – and an individual. Her honesty, supported with compassion and patience, gave me life. In my interactions with her, she was aware of and acknowledged MY whole being, and my spiritual Self.
She has demonstrated life-giving connections with others that has inspired my own teaching, serving and relating with my students. I also feel this has translated to how I relate to myself – my very own person. I felt myself begin to trust my own Light as a human and teacher. It has changed me, my teaching style, and also the way I interact with my husband, children, family and my friends.
The effects of Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra truly has been far reaching in all areas of my life! I have the confidence now to continue reaching out to the world and others in a profound way. Now I know I can stand firm, no matter how strong the winds of change blow, because inside of me resides newfound inner strength and tools to support me.
by | Jul 31, 2018
Near the end of Divine Sleep®️ Yoga Nidra Teacher Training, Jennifer Reis, the instructor asked the class of 40+ students, “What is your truth?” I shuttered at the thought of answering that question. What is my truth??! I will pass, I will say my name and pass the microphone to the next person but… my soul felt open and prepared me to also share my truth.
My pulse raced a beat faster as the mic moved closer, until it arrived at my sweaty hand like an instrument of truth, I looked down at my hands gripping the hot stone that had traveled half way around the circle with the mic. I could not get a word out, for what seemed like a century, I could not speak.
Then, my voice broke with a sob as I started a story that floated in my head every time I heard the words Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)…
“My name is Rosana and I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2001 as the result of suffering abuse at the hands of my daughter’s father. He abused us for 10 years, the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness were deafening.
I went through the abuse, that process and crawled my way out of darkness. My daughter and I survived and went on with life until several years ago I was attacked.
This violent attack triggered the PTSD as if someone woke up the sleeping giant nested in my cells. The panic attacks and chest pains left me breathless. The sleepless nights were rivaled only by the horrific nightmares which triggered a daily greeting of migraines. I was unable to eat, sleep, and interactions with people was unbearable. Living was excruciating.
The illness from 2001 that I believed had gone away was alive and kicking my butt in the worst way. Many days I felt like I was dying or wanted to die. Medications for depression, anxiety, sleep, high blood, and migraines were a weak band-aid on a hemorrhage. I was trying to keep the monsters at bay by practicing hot yoga and other classes. I was stronger, but they were stronger too.
One day my yoga studio introduced a new class’ yoga nidra’. Although I loved hot yoga with intense postures, this novel slow cool class became my breath of fresh air. I attended devotedly, it was like water for a parched soul, I needed my yoga nidra practice like I need oxygen. It became my blissfulness.
After a few months of regular practice, I looked around and my symptoms of panic and anxiety had disappeared. My chest pains and nausea were gone. Migraines belonged to someone else! I stopped being afraid of bedtime and the shadows inside my dreams. Yoga nidra lulled my fight or flight response and gave me a new lease on life. I no longer needed medications and the hemorrhaging had stopped. Waking from yoga nidra, also known as yogic sleep, was like magic!
Magic that everyone should feel and have an opportunity to experience. I had never heard of yoga nidra before. As I practiced religiously, and listened intently to the instructors’ cues, I thought, “If I were teaching this class, I would say it this way in Spanish…” Day after day and week after week, my yoga nidra turned into a class of my translations and dreams until I drifted into theta brain waves where hopelessness transformed into infinite possibilities and teaching bilingual yoga nidra became my heart’s longing.
Yoga actually saved my life
How many other people in my community have PTSD or are ill from stress and anxiety? How would they learn of this amazing practice? Last year in April, I verbalized my intention with confidence for the first time, “I am going to teach yoga and help my people heal. I want to teach bilingual yoga nidra in my hood – Washington Heights, my home, my heart – where I was born and raised.
Once I claimed those words, the Universe swung the doors for me. Presently, I teach bilingual yoga nidra at a Holyrood Episcopal Church in Washington Heights and with that birthed ‘Yogiando NYC’.
“My truth is that I was diagnosed with PTSD and yoga saved my life. I have spent 49 years fighting one war or another, dodging bullets and blocking blows… living (more like dying) in fight or flight— yoga nidra saved my life.”
I shared a brief synopsis of my truth in class last month, and today I’m sharing it with you. I have decided that I am done fighting wars. I am dedicating my life to sharing love, light, peace and healing. Tess, a classmate in Divine Sleep®️ Yoga Nidra training came up to me, held my hands and said, “You needed to go through this suffering so that you could reach where you are now.”
I understand, it all makes sense today. I feel responsible to use what I have learned and share it. I share it with my community because my people matter, this community matters. People can heal and perhaps I can touch their journey with healing. It’s come together, it all makes sense. After Tess hugged me, I used my last wave of courage before the group dispersed for the day to share one last thought, “I cannot change what happened to my daughter and I. I can’t erase the years of abuse that we experienced but I can share what I learned.”
I saw a short film used to educate students about relationships abuse created by One Love Foundation. One Love is rooted in the honest belief that relationship violence is an epidemic that can be stopped when young adults are educated and empowered to affect change in their communities. I wish that I had seen a film like this when I was younger. I can’t change what happened to me, but I can share information and perhaps together we can help save a life.
I Survived
Back on May 13, 2003 was the worst day of my life. On that day, he took our daughter Destiny away and I was not allowed to see or speak to her for 6 insufferable months. Then he found a way to remain in power and control. Some abusive men kill their victims and others torture them in other ways.
He took her away for years, then when she was 12, he packed up her clothing, toys and books, and sent her back to me with 21 boxes one blessed July day! Then he never came back to pick her up on weekends, or even called her. In fact, he told the Court that he didn’t want custody or visitation with her. Destiny was present that day to hear her father say those words. I still cry when I share that story. And now, on this Sunday, Mother’s Day 2018, I am blessed, grateful for this life and that my daughter is home by my side! And she has been with me now for nine years. We are together again!
Yogiando NYC: Empowering Latinos with Healing & Wellness
En el penúltimo día del Entrenamiento de Maestros de Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra la instructora le preguntó a la clase de más de 40 estudiantes: “¿Cuál es su verdad?” Me cerré ante la idea de responder a esa pregunta. ¿Cuál es mi verdad? No puedo contestar, Voy a pasar, voy a decir mi nombre y pasar el micrófono a la siguiente persona, pero … el candor de mi compañera me inspiro cuando reveló Su dolor sobre la muerte de su sobrinita.
Esto rompió mi alma y me preparó para compartir mi verdad también. Mi pulso se aceleró cuando el micrófono se acercó a mi mano sudorosa y como un instrumento de verdad, miré hacia Mis manos agarrando la piedra caliente que había recorrido la mitad del círculo con el micrófono. No pude pronunciar una palabra, por lo que pareció un siglo, no pude hablar. Entonces, mi voz se quebró con un sollozo cuando comencé una historia que flotaba en mi cabeza cada vez que la maestra mencionaba el PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) durante la clase.
“Mi nombre es Rosana y me diagnosticaron PTSD 2001 como resultado de sufrir abusos en manos del padre de mi hija. Nos abusó durante 10 años, los sentimientos de impotencia y desesperanza fueron ensordecedores. Pasé por el abuso, ese proceso y me arrastré hasta salir de la oscuridad. Mi hija y yo sobrevivimos y seguimos con la vida hasta que hace varios años fui atacada. Este ataque violento desencadenó el trastorno de estrés postraumático como si alguien despertó al gigante dormido anidado en mis células.
Los ataques de pánico y dolores en el pecho me dejaron sin aliento. Las noches de insomnio solo rivalizaban con las hororosa pesadillas que desencadenaban un saludo diario de migrañas. No podia comer, dormir y las interacciones con las personas eran insoportables. Vivir era una pesadilla.
La enfermedad del 2001 que creía que se había ido estaba viva y me estaba pateando de la peor manera. Muchos días sentí que me estaba muriendo o quería morir. Los medicamentos para la depresión, la ansiedad, el sueño, la precisión alta y las migrañas fueron una tirita débil en una hemorragia. Estaba tratando de mantener a raya a los monstruos practicando Bikram y haciendo Soul Cycle. Yo era fuerte pero ellos eran más fuertes.
Un día, mi estudio de yoga presentó una nueva clase, Yoga Nidra. A pesar de que me gustaba Bikram Yoga, esta clase nueva y lenta se convirtió en mi aliento de aire fresco. Asistí con devoción, era como agua para un alma seca, necesitaba mi Yoga Nidra, como necesito oxígeno. Se convirtió en mi felicidad. Después de algunos meses de práctica regular, miré a mi alrededor y mis síntomas de pánico y ansiedad se habían desaparecido.
Mis dolores de pecho y náuseas habían fugado. Las migrañas pertenecían a otra persona. Dejé de tener miedo De la came y a las sombras dentro de mis sueños. Yoga Nidra calmó mi respuesta de lucha o huida y me dio una nueva vida. Ya no necesitaba medicamentos y la hemorragia se había detenido. ¡Despertar de Yoga Nidra, también conocido como sueño yóguico, era como magia!
Magia que todos deberían sentir y tener la oportunidad de experimentar. ¿Nunca había oído hablar de Yoga Nidra? Mientras practicaba religiosamente, y escuchaba atentamente las señales de los instructores, pensaba: “Si estuviera enseñando esta clase, lo diría de esta manera en español …” Día tras día y semana tras semana, mi Yoga Nidra se convirtió en una clase de traducción y sueños hasta que me sumergí en las ondas cerebrales theta donde la desesperanza se transformó en infinitas posibilidades…la enseñanza bilingüe de Yoga Nidra se convirtió en mi sankalpa. Yoga me salvó la vida.
¿Cuántas personas en mi comunidad tienen PTSD o están muriendo de estrés y ansiedad? ¿Cómo aprenderían de esta increíble práctica? El año pasado en abril, verbalicé mi intención con confianza por primera vez: “Voy a enseñar yoga y ayudar a mi gente a sanar.” Quiero enseñarle a Yin Nidra bilingüe en mi barrio. Washington Heights, mi hogar, mi corazón, donde nací y crecí. Una vez que reclamé esas palabras, el Universo abrió las puertas para mí. Actualmente, enseño Yin Nidra bilingüe en La Iglesia Episcopal de Holyrood en Washington Heights…así nació Yogiando NYC.
Mi verdad es que me diagnosticaron con PTSD y el yoga me salvó la vida. He pasado 49 años luchando en una guerra u otra, esquivando balas y bloqueando golpes … viviendo (más como muriendo) en pelea o huyendo. Yin Nidra me salvó la vida. Compartí una breve descripción de mi verdad en clase el mes pasado y hoy la comparto con ustedes. He decidido que he terminado con las guerras. Estoy dedicando mi vida a compartir amor, luz, paz y sanacion.
Tess, una compañera de clase en Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra se acercó a mí, me tomó de las manos y me dijo: “Necesitabas pasar por este sufrimiento para que pudieras llegar a donde estás ahora”. Entiendo, todo y hoy me siento responsable de usar lo que he aprendido y compartirlo. Lo comparto con mi comunidad porque mi gente importa, esta comunidad es importante. La gente puede sanar y quizás yo pueda tocar su camino con curación. Ahora todo tiene sentido.
Después de que Tess me abrazó, utilicé mi última ola de valor para compartir un último pensamiento: “No puedo cambiar lo que le sucedió a mi hija y a mí. No puedo borrar los años de abuso que sufrimos, pero puedo compartir lo que aprendí. En un Retiro de bienestar, la semana pasada. Vi una película desdeñada para educar a los estudiantes sobre relaciones abusivas. Una película creada por One Love Foundation, sobre Yeardly Love que fue brutalmente golpeada por su ex novio semanas antes de graduarse de la Universidad de Virginia en 2001.
One Love tiene sus raíces en la creencia sincera de que la violencia de pareja es una epidemia que puede detenerse cuando los jóvenes son educados y empoderados para afectar el cambio en sus comunidades. Ojalá hubiera visto una película como esta cuando era más joven. No puedo cambiar lo que me sucedió, pero puedo compartir información y quizás juntos podamos ayudar a salvar una vida.
Yeardly Love fue asesinada cuando ella dejó a su pareja abusiva, yo sobreviví cuando me fugué.
13 de mayo de 2003 fue el peor día de mi vida. En este día, hace 15 años, el se llevó a nuestra hija y no me permitió verla ni hablar con ella durante 6 meses insufribles. El Encontró una manera de permanecer en poder y control aunque no me podía tocar un pelo.
Algunos hombres abusivos matan a sus víctimas y otros los torturan de otras maneras. En este domingo, Día de la Madres 2018, me siento bendecida, muy agradecida por esta vida y contenta que mi hija está en casa a mi lado.
by | Jun 21, 2018
Undiagnosed as a child, I struggled with anxiety my whole life, and things got worse in high school and college. During that time, I was hospitalized twice for anxiety attacks that exhibited hyperventilation, spastic muscle rigidity, with severe neck and chest pain. I was scared, not knowing what was happening to my body, I felt out of control and disconnected.
The medical community worked me up, telling me I might have meningitis, blood clot, and/or heart conditions. The diagnosis and treatments felt invasive and only intensified my fear. Pushing through with steady perseverance, family support, and devoted friends, I managed to obtain my bachelor’s degree in nursing six months before I turned 21! It was a stressful experience to say the least, cramming so much education into a short span of time.
After passing my nursing board exams, I immediately started working the night shift right out of college! Within two years, I wasn’t sleeping, I lost weight, and the anxiety escalated. Thankfully, my doctor listened to me. She guided me towards improving my overall health through nutrition and exercise and she also suggested yoga. I found the only yoga studio within 20-miles of my home and dedicated my days off to practicing.
Those early days of walking a new path of healing changed me. I experienced the therapeutic benefits of massage and reiki, along with a regular yoga practice which moved my body, focused my breathing, and taught me to rest deeply. A fire was ignited inside me – I was taking control of my health! It encouraged me to continue learning more about myself.
In 2005, I went to Kripalu Center to do my Yoga Teacher Training! I was excited to experience new and different modes of healing: Ayurveda (the sister science to yoga), meditation, breathing practices, and yoga postures. These amazing activities filled each day for my whole month-long training.
I was reawakening, slowly coming back to life! Living in the transformative beauty of western Massachusetts during autumn, I could feel my emotional resilience, physical strength, and my mental perspective shifting. Connecting mind, body and breath was the best gift I could have given myself. And now I get to share that with others.
Being a natural introvert at heart, the teacher training challenged me because it felt uncomfortable and unpleasant to me to speak in front of others. Thankfully my bunkmate had my back. She gave me a card with a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that said, “Do one thing everyday that scares you.” I think of that quote everyday. It reminds me that I have the freedom to remember my power, while feeling out the limits of my courage.
Back home, I taught a weekly donation-only class to friends, family and community in an effort to gain confidence. Two years later, I found a great yoga studio where I started teaching a beginner yoga class. The other yoga teachers there became my teachers and mentors which I am so grateful for. Slowly, over time I have built up my classes, teaching adults, children and creative yoga workshops.
Throughout the years, I have had the pleasure of refining my practice with specialized yoga courses. Returning back to Kripalu many times has been a blessing, and each time I returned, I sought out Jennifer’s classes. I was drawn to her fluid, graceful style of yoga combined with her ability to access a profound state of relaxation. In her classes, I experienced a pilgrimage of body, mind and spirit, activating hidden energetic layers I didn’t know existed. I felt whole and complete within myself.
Jennifer’s Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra recordings have been very helpful to me, and since first listening to them, I was hooked! I’m not sure I would have survived those early years of caring for my babies, working the night shift, and sleeping for short periods of time, without the gentle assurance of Jennifer’s guided yoga nidra.
Jennifer’s voice is clear and calming, allowing my body to relax, and my mind to let go, sealing in healing and wholeness throughout my whole self. And they have been especially supportive for me as my life continues to unfold and grow with a family.
In Jennifer’s Yoga and Deep Relaxation Retreat: the Gift of Divine Sleep® Yoga Nidra at Kripalu, I learned about the science and philosophy behind Divine Sleep®. I also learned the evidence-based research to help me cultivate a balanced state of mental health and harmony in physical health. For me, fully embodying yoga nidra is a true gem of an experience! During the retreat, I connected with my inner wisdom and intuition.
This year marks 20 years as an RN, and I am in my 14th year of teaching yoga and meditation! My healing path has come full circle. I have successfully adapted calming techniques, breath awareness, and guided meditation into the delivery of my nursing care.
I share my life with a loving husband and two wild boys! We are raising them with kindness, compassion and respect with the hope they will realize these qualities within themselves. Sharing the practice of yoga and meditation with my little yogi’s has only enhanced my experience as a mother, staying open and flexible to reap its many benefits. They have been my true guides navigating me toward what is important in this life.
‘Living’ our yoga by breathing, moving together, and by simply being, has opened up a world of effortless enjoyment for me. As I continue to heal, and help to steer the course guiding others in yoga, I recognize the importance of having patience for the practice to unravel. I do not know what the next steps in my yoga teaching path will bring, but witnessing my students’ moving freely, breathing peacefully, and deeply resting swells my grateful heart.
Anxiety is still present in my own daily life – it doesn’t really go away. Life can be a struggle, especially during times of overwhelming stress, sadness, grief and tenderness. But by prioritizing self-care with yoga, rest and relaxation, I now have practical tools to assist me with anxiety and the rise and fall of emotions, thoughts, sensations, behaviors and actions. Thank you, Jennifer, for sharing your passion for health through yoga and yoga nidra – it continues to be an inspiration for me on my life journey!
by | May 29, 2018
“Where’s the thermometer?” I asked my husband while stuffing my pajamas in a suitcase and mentally packing our kid’s lunches. There wasn’t much time before my ferry left and there was so much left to do!
After holding still for fifteen seconds, a green light flashed, announcing my 98.6 degree temperature. I was thinking, “Huh? I am healthy? No fever?” Except for my head ache, sore throat, mouth ulcers, lethargy and crankiness belied something was going on. However, it did mean I could indeed still attend Five Element Yoga and Divine Sleep Yoga Nidra retreat at Kripalu Center in the Berkshires!
Like everyone who has been to Kripalu, I love it there! I had heard yoga nidra and that it could mean ‘peaceful sleep’. When, some friends recently sang Jennifer Reis’ praises, I took it as a sign and registered for the weekend, even though I didn’t know anything about Five Element Yoga.
The thing was, I needed sleep so badly, I actually felt sick. I wanted to find sleep in the most natural and lasting way possible. And after over two years of trying essential oils, a noise machine, room darkening shades, daily meditation, breathwork, herbs, acupuncture, exercising, not exercising, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, counting sheep – you name it – I was even more determined than ever to avoid pharmaceuticals.
The insomnia had been especially hard on my family. I was so grouchy that in my mind I made Vladmir Putin look like Mickey Mouse! Even so, deep down, I still had hope that I could sleep again.
Finally, I landed on a mat in the second row of Jennifer’s class on Friday night. During introductions, participants were invited to say where we were from, and what we were hoping for during the weekend. When the microphone came to me, I tilted it towards my mouth and made a wish, “Sleep – please?”
I was stunned that out of the forty or so participants, who were there from all over the world, I was the only one to mention sleep. I hoped I had registered for the right workshop. Could my wish will come true? Could I change from a caterpillar to a butterfly? Jennifer assured me these practices can help. She shared about her teaching, and said she has taught yoga for over 20 years (but to me she look about 20!). That and her laid-back, playful, manner quickly won me over.
When I was in a yoga posture that joyously involved pulsing to the beat of the music, I felt something inside me connect with this practice of Five Element Yoga. Near the end of that first session, we learned self-massage techniques, then Jennifer led a yoga nidra meditation. Later I drifted off to a decent night’s sleep. Awesome!
During Saturday’s session, Jennifer lead yoga with live music with Senta Reis and her many instruments. We learned more about how to balance the inner five elements, ways to use the breath to affect the nervous system, and more on ‘how to’ relax. Then a wandering walk past blossoming cherry trees, through a forest, towards a quiet lake did me wonders!
After an equally amazing afternoon session, I checked in with myself: My throat didn’t hurt – but I was still no butterfly. After resting in the sauna, I sat in the quietly and journalled. I felt slightly cheated that I didn’t instantly feel 110%. I came looking for a miracle. If I couldn’t find one here, where would I find it?
That night I laid awake until 3:30am, realizing it was probably because I ate three helpings at every meal – has anyone ever told you how amazing the food is at Kripalu? Wishing I had done it earlier, I finally download some of Jennifer’s CD’s to my smartphone, and listened to Divine Sleep Yoga Nidra while holding Adhi mudra she taught me for sleep. That worked and I finally fell asleep!
Near the end of our heavenly Sunday morning Five Element Yoga and yoga nidra, we bid our ‘Aum’s’ which feels yogic for ‘farewell’. I am assured by Jennifer that “this can help you, but you have to practice regularly. The effects are cumulative.”
I will try just about anything and thank goodness I have remained so open because I finally found something that has helped me tremendously! Sunday night back at home, I felt something shift within me. I broke through my usual two am wakeup pattern and instead pleasantly enough slept all the way to 3:45 am! Then I listened to another yoga nidra from Jennifer and was able to sleep until 6:30 am. For me, this was profound!
During the week that followed, my children joined me for yoga nidra, begging to hear Jennifer’s Magic Blanket Divine Sleep Journey recording on her Children’s CD/MP3. When together we practiced another of the children’s tracks, the Butterfly Journey, I actually felt butterfly-like! I realize I had no more headache, no more grouchiness, no more mouth sores! Yoga nidra was working!
When listening to Jennifer’s voice, I can easily see the enchanting center of a poppy flower and feel its nectar healing my feet. My children have been asking for yoga nidra instead of bedtime stories. My husband joins us too! The four of us line up with beloved blankies, eye masks and pillows on the bedroom floor to listen.
The recordings are simple, yet profound. Full of wonder, yet also grounding. Guided in the journey, I hear my four-year-old’s voice repeat so sweetly three times, “I am always calm and full of love.” My eight-year-old reflects after the Magic Blanket Journey, “I wish I could do that in the middle of my school day; I would feel so much better.” My husband admits, “That is so calming.”
And I can finally say, “I am healthy! I am sleeping!”
The effects are cumulative. During the weeks following the retreat, I forget about things that don’t really matter and am able to let them go with ease. I am no longer driving down the road with a list of ‘to-do’s’ running through my head. It feels like there is a slow-moving magic wand and I can suddenly let go of the little things! And now I feel so much more peaceful.
I’m wake my son from his nap more gently. I notice more sensations in my body and feel more connected. I can absorb my life in a more open-hearted way and feel increasingly attuned to what really matters. My mind is clearer. Admittedly, I do not always sleep well, but I trust as time goes on, and I get even more connected to my body, breath and being, with regular practice the effects WILL continue to do their work within me to bring me greater and greater ease and peace.
Now, when people now ask me about how I’m sleeping, I answer, “I’ve discovered yoga nidra which is all about inner balance and harmony. It’s helped my whole family so much. Everyone should try it.”
